saving a marriage - 5 ways to save your marriage - The Comprehensive Minds

saving a marriage - 5 ways to save your marriage

Saving a Marriage - 5 ways to save your marriage

saving a marriage

Have you heard the saying, "Love is grand but divorce can be 100 grand?" Hopefully, you're not going through that, especially with all the stress that's on us right now, with our finances, with our health, and yes, for even some of our marriages. 

And if you are considering divorce, allow me to share 5 things for you to think about and I'll also show you how you can have your own personal marriage mentor. 

Number 1 

For some couples, withdrawing them together and for other couples, it is absolutely pushing them apart. Unfortunately, we have cartoons like this that are signifying what things may look like at the end of this lockdown. 

I hope that's not the case. Add this highly unusual stress, and you're bound to push and test any kind of relationship. Small problems, not only become mid-sized problems, they become large problems. - Here it goes.  - And large problems become catastrophic. 

When you're stressed, your brain switches from the prefrontal cortex back to the amygdala and the amygdala is all about survival mode. You either fight, flight, or flee. And that's why when you're under all this stress, you can't think clearly and it's only when you calm down that you're able to come up with a compromised solution. 

We've talked about coping solutions when you're under stress in this article here. Don't let stress dictate long term decisions for your marriage. So is today's current situation putting additional stress on your relationship?  

Number 2 

The second thing I would want you to think about is who are you leaning on for advice? There might be some friends in a camp that are all for your marriage and supporting you to stay in your marriage.

 And there may be another camp of friends that are like, "Heck no, get out. And you need to be careful which camp you listen to but also if you're the friend giving them advice, sometimes that person's looking for permission to move forward. 

So your words, your advice, can carry a lot of weight. I advise you to be really careful because when we're giving advice to our friends who are struggling in their marriage, we don't own any of the emotional consequences. 

So be careful of how the circumstances may appear especially when you're getting one side of the story to listen more than giving advice. It's so important to have a neutral party that is giving you the advice, such as a counselor. You can seek out mentors as well but I would believe if you're at this position that a counselor, a professional, would be the best one to seek out. 

Number 3 

Number 3 is a pause. Time is your friend. I know, some of you are thinking, "No, time is not my friend. "I've had more than enough time with my spouse "and I do not want to be around them anymore." I get it, I get it, but why I say pause, time is your friend is like I mentioned earlier when emotions are high and you're stressed, it's going to be very difficult to think through all of the repercussions in moving forward with a divorce if that's something that you are hoping for after we get out of this lockdown. 

Now, pausing allows calmer heads to prevail. So, we highly recommend that once you're calm enough to think through all of the repercussions and you're still in the same position, then so be it. But even then, I would encourage you still to see a counselor. 

Even if your marriage is still going to end, one of the best things that you can do for yourself is to learn and be self-aware of what your behavior and what your actions bring to a relationship. 

Number 4 

I asked a divorce attorney friend of mine what he thought and what would be his best advice. He said, "Instead of racing to finish, "it's best to withdraw. "Give yourself time to breathe "and grieve the status of your relationship." 

Again, this all points back to what stress is doing to you right now and how time can be your friend. While you're in this separated state, it's important that you still put a plan together, that you both put a plan together on how you're gonna see a counselor, together and separately, how you're going to manage the kids, how you're going to manage the logistics. 

Don't just go into limbo and be separated without having some kind of plan that you both can anchor on. Continue to build your support system. Seek out counseling. Seek out marriage mentors and seek out friends who will tell you the truth about you and your relationship.  

Number 5 

What do you want your story to be? Fast-forward 30, 40, 50 years. Your marriage will simply be a story that your kids and your grandkids will talk about. 

We want to pay forward all the hard life lessons that we've gone through and help others prevent going through that same hardship. 

Earlier in this article, I told you how you could align yourself with a marriage mentor. Hint, hint. The mentor is a professional from life experience and we're willing to be vulnerable and transparent and share our issues with the whole world-wide-web in order to help you and prevent you from making the same mistakes we did.

So if this interests you in aligning yourself with a personal marriage mentor, Click Here for a powerful tool. It will definitely help you to rewrite your marriage life script again Wish you had a marriage manual when you got married? Well, it's never too late for our friends and family so share this with engaged couples or newlyweds. 

These are all of the life lessons we learned the hard way in hopes that we could prevent the learning curve from being so long. Maybe we were just stubborn but maybe this will shorten the learning curve for the couples that you know and love. 

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